he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
