margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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