took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
