WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We're too hungover to prance.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
