I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
