Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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