don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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