So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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