grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
