I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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