I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
