Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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