what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
