u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
