how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He better not be in your backpack
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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