Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
