we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
