Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
