we made out on top of his cat.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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