lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
