look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
