My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
