The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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