Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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