I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
