the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Rumble strips road head = magical
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
