I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
