the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
