Your mouth is God's brothel.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
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you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
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Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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