i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize