hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
