hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
