I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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