well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
