Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
