Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
