i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
