tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
