Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think my moral compass just broke
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
