I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i've created a new STD.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
