Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
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Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
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The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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