If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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