I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
MIDGETS
????
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
