I think scott just propositioned me for sex
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
