I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
