I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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