I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
