they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
