Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
