I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
