hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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