man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
