I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.