even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us