He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ladies don't puke and tell
My liver can't handle being unemployed!