Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.