when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
