He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
