Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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