just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
