u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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