I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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