My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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