took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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