I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
