Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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