Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
