this boner is exhausting
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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