Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
