i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
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You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
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I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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