I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
