we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize