A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
