i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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