You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
