What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
