1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
