we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
