I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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