help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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