In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
