I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
