you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
