I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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