Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
